November, 2024
We are living in weird times y'all. Finding common ground between people with very different views feels beyond us. I'm continually dismayed at the level of selfishness, greed and self-serving behavior on regular display in our communities.
Yes, I know these times are not really unique. It just feels kind of bizarre to feel like we were on the bumpy path of progress, only to have a switch flipped and suddenly find ourselves in a free fall. If you're feeling powerless in this current dynamic, trying not to sink into despair or spin out into full blown panic, while also not denying or ignoring the reality all around us, you are living a balancing act that can feel all consuming.
So, what are we to do? It's time to dig in, and nurture ourselves.
Perhaps that's not exactly the groundbreaking answer you were hoping for.
I'm not suggesting you take a bubble bath, light a scented candle, maybe get a massage, and go on living. Those things are lovely of course (in fact a bubble bath sounds really great right now), and can be good sources of stress release. But relying on a few soothing activities, calling that self-care and expecting that to be fully recharging is not honest. Those are a few tools you can use to feel better momentarily, but just recognize them for what they are. And certainly don't feel as if something is wrong with you if you've been practicing these types of activities and are wondering why you still don't feel better. There is a lot of messaging out there that these types of soothing activities are self-care, because people are making money off of that idea and we all like a quick fix. So it makes sense if you've been trying these things and are confused. What I'm talking about will take a bit of effort.
Conversely, at this specific point in time shortly after a tense election season in the U.S., while the urgency to rise up against everything right now might sound appealing, I'm asking you to pause a moment. In the face of mounting fear and anger, we often want to do something, anything, to demonstrate we're fighting back. Verbally pummeling those who disagree with you in the anonymous spaces of social media might feel good in the short term, but it's probably not doing any favors for your heart. Don't get me wrong - I'm not suggesting you go quietly into the night, accepting what has come to pass. I also don't believe you should stay silent on issues that matter to you in your personal groups or with family. I AM suggesting that, for now, we need to start somewhere else: with you. Let's try a different way. I invite you to take care of yourself, really tend to and take care of yourself, radically.
Radical Self-Care
If you're hearing "self-care" and "nurture yourself" and rolling your eyes a bit, I get it. It sounds simplistic and maybe even obtuse. Maybe you're feeling so down and scared that the thought of doing anything more than the bare minimum is too much to ask. Maybe you're so angry or disgusted that you're looking for actionable ideas to help you fight back.
How can radical self-care address either of those? What is the point??
I'm so glad you asked!
When life is heavy and the burdens are at their greatest, we can not bear them if we are not well, physically, mentally and emotionally. Think of these as the three tent poles holding you up. You don't need to be at peak condition in each area, although that would be ideal, but the more you can shore up and stabilize all three, the more secure your tent will be; the better off you will be.
So while it may seem simplistic, it is no less paramount, regardless of how you're currently feeling. And simple, alas, does not mean easy, as the saying goes. Let's take a look at what you can do, for YOU.
Physical Nourishment
Let's begin with our physical needs. We all know what we should be doing to feel good, but yet we skip this one the most, especially when we're stressed out or not feeling well emotionally. Today, I invite you to treat your body like you might a sick child.
Drink plenty of fluids; maybe include something warm as one of your drinks.
Eat foods that are comforting AND relatively healthy. A bag of chips or a sleeve of cookies might feel like comfort food, but would you give that to a sick child? What would you give them instead? Try to include at least 5 different healthy foods into your day (fruit, dried fruit, vegetable, seeds or nuts). Even if it's a couple of bites, that is aiming you in the right direction.
Avoid sugar and alcohol. If you simply cannot, try to cut back, even in the smallest of ways. Leave a cookie or 2 in the bag. Leave a few sips in the bottle.
And add something healthy to the day, like a piece of fruit. All efforts count.
Sleep! Now is the time to be as militant about your sleep as possible. Practice good sleep hygiene.
Rest: Let go of things you don't have to do.
Medication: Don't skip prescription medications.
Exercise: If you exercise regularly, try not to skip it. If you don't, start small. Take a walk around the block, or a walk around the apartment. If you feel too depleted to do that, stretch, and try to do something that requires balance, like a tree pose from yoga or pretend to walk along a balance beam. All efforts count.
Go Outside if you can. If you can get into nature, even better. If there are no parks around you, is there a nice tree-lined street you can walk down? Do you have a patch of grass to stand in? Any houseplants that could use your attention? A tree you can lean against? You may be amazed what this can do for you.
Hot shower or bath: heck, take that bath. You'll get clean and feel better.
Breathe: take some time to breathe, deeply into your belly. A few breaths if that's all you can manage, letting everything out on your exhale.
Mental/Emotional Nourishment
I'm combining these two because there's some overlap.
Tend to your heart: be extra kind to yourself. Self-criticism serves no one. Eliminate "shoulds" from your vocabulary.
Set limits on screen time, especially social media. Watching cat videos can be joyful, admittedly, but too much screen time can be an avoidance technique. Social media is a great way to connect to others, but is by design meant to keep your eyes on it as long as possible, and stirs up a lot of anxiety or anger in the information silos we seem to find ourselves in. Excessive use of either only delays our ability to work through our feelings.
Be present. Focus on what's in front of you: you, your family, your home, your pets, your plants. Stay present.
Avoid isolation. Spend time with the people you care about. Surround yourself in community as much as possible. Do this in person whenever you can.
Art and creation: participate in whatever art form moves you. Dance, listen to music, look at paintings, etc. And create whatever you love to create! This does not have to be related to traditional art, but whatever you feel moved to make. Do not skip this step!
Meditate/Journal/Breathe: whatever allows you to take a moment to pause and self-reflect.
Seek counsel: talk to your health care professional, counselor, therapist, life coach, or spiritual mentor when you need to. An objective professional is an invaluable service.
Feel your feelings: I know, it sounds cliché, but it's also true. We often try to block our biggest feelings because we're scared of losing control. You will not lose control of you and get lost in your grief. Go ahead and let the pain come into you and through you. Ride the wave, and expect that the grief will come in waves. Feel your despair and hopelessness when they come, and then reconnect. Go back through this list; start again.
Find the joy. Find what brings you joy, and seek that out. You get to laugh and be joyful during hard times too, especially then.
I'm writing this at a time in our country where there are many who are collectively feeling despair, hopelessness, and real fear for what's to come. It's specific to now, but these feelings arise from many life events. Taking care of yourself is always a priority. And while it may seem pointless to do the bare minimum, I invite you to try it. The smallest steps you take toward tending to yourself are moving you toward healing.
Radical self-care may not repair all that is broken in your world, but it's a beginning, and where I'm choosing to start. The next steps forward will come when we are back on our feet.
With Peace,
Angelica