Every year as the calendar turns to the new year, people start asking me, “Do you have any New Year’s Resolutions?”
No, I do not.
I haven’t created any new year resolutions for some time now. Probably for some of the same reasons many of you don’t. Like, you’ve already learned that the promises you make to yourself to work out every day, or read every night, or quit social media, are quickly broken. Instead of feeling energized and that this is the year you finally [fill in the blank], you end up feeling worse about yourself. Maybe guilty, or ashamed, or like you just don’t have the willpower like everyone else seems to have. Like there’s something wrong with you.
Well, that’s how I used to feel. I’ve come a long way in understanding that “willpower” is kind of a myth. Real changes in your life don’t come from you just deciding, or not deciding, to do something. That is a great start, but there are many factors that impact the success of those decisions, and it usually isn’t the force of your will alone. There are many great books out there about changing habits that do an excellent job of explaining this if you’d like to delve deeper. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear is a good one, for example.
There are also physical, environmental, social, etc. factors that can impact your success, but that is a much larger topic I won't be attempting to tackle here.
I’ve also been working hard on eliminating “should” from my vocabulary. We all have responsibilities of course, but I’m willing to bet that a great many tasks you feel you have to do are in fact not a matter of life or death. We get stuck in the endless tasks and activities, and never question why we’re doing them.
And to me, resolutions feel like yet another “should."
But ultimately, besides the promise of broken promises, and the shirking off of shoulds, I just really don’t like the underlying idea that we are fundamentally flawed, and need to resolve to do something in order to be acceptable.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m all for continual growth. I love learning, experiencing, connecting and expanding every year I’ve been lucky enough to be on this planet. Taking a look at your life and seeing where you’d like to change, or where you’d like things to improve is not a bad thing. Yay for self-awareness!
Still, you are not flawed. You are more than acceptable. Instead of all of the pressure to be a new version of you, maybe just be you. Take time to sit, go within, and be present to who you are now. Allow yourself time to just be; and love this version of yourself.
In time, with the space and freedom to be who you are, maybe you will find yourself unfurling into something new.
And, if you are indeed inspired to begin anew in the dead of winter (at least for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere), so be it. Just go easy on yourself, mkay?
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